Accountability groups are small gatherings of people who share their goals and hold each other accountable to reach them, or to hold one another accountable to specific changes in behavior.
Many Christians use accountability groups as a way to “exhort one another” to avoid being “hardened by the deceitfulness of sin” (Hebrews 3:12-13),” All Christians repeat behaviors they “do not understand”—sins or negative behaviors, like Paul mentions in Romans 7:15. Accountability groups can shed light on this area and support the believer’s attempts to change.
Build relationship outside of the group
Some groups start because close friends recognize similar needs and decide to hold each other accountable. Other groups begin in formal settings, and can bring together people who barely know each other. This is an exciting opportunity to experience change with people who may think very differently than you, and who can help you understand your sin and your relationship with Christ in new ways.
The challenge posed by every accountability group is the need to be vulnerable. Following the Biblical command to “confess your sins to one another” (James 5:16) is a challenging and risky business, and one that demands trust.
Trust can only grow when people know each other’s values, lives, and behavior. Whether an accountability group is formed of close friends or complete strangers, trust will inevitably erode—if it is there at all—unless you commit to investing in one another’s lives.
Try getting to know each other outside of the group! Have a meal together each week before your group, pair up each week for coffee and prayer, try each other’s hobbies, or meet each other’s families. Intentional relationship building will go a long way in “bearing with one another” (Eph 4:2).
Set expectations and use a structure
Many accountability groups depend on a simple structure, or no structure at all: perhaps only a defined start and end time. For many groups, especially small groups or pairs, this may be a perfect strategy. However, groups bigger than two or three people may suffer without agreeing on a more detailed structure.
Structures allow a group to anticipate potential problems before they arise. People need to know they are sharing privately, and that group members are not sharing their “dirt” with spouses or friends. Those with families or busy schedules may have many competing demands on their time. Structures can support a group in the face of challenges like these.
Try setting a few rules for your group, if you haven’t already. What are the expectations for attendance, privacy, and open participation?
Sharing time could be divided equally between everyone. Assigning each person a specific amount of time, say, ten or fifteen minutes to share, might seem restrictive. However, Restricting time can prevent outspoken members from dominating the time, and give less outspoken members opportunities to share without feeling they are taking away from someone else’s time, or having to raise their voice to be heard.
Introducing structure will probably feel awkward at first. Having participants sign a paper agreeing not to pass along what others have shared, or cutting off a long-winded speaker’s time to share can be uncomfortable.
However, once a group is used to a structure, its participants may find more freedom within the group. As with anything, stay open to change—but consider what structures you might use to make the group as effective as possible.
Focus on what you are moving towards, and not against
Accountability groups are accurately thought of as places to fight against sin. They can help us understand why we “do the very thing we hate” (Romans 7:15), and help us end terrible habits.
However, focusing only on sin can lead to feelings of guilt, or worse, building pharisaical rules to try to avoid sin. If an accountability group helps a person to gain control of a sinful behavior, but doesn’t change that person’s heart, then the group is forming people into “whitewashed tombs” (Matt 23:27): people whose lives look good, but who have not experienced inner change.
Jesus came so that we could have “life and have it to the full,” and sin disrupts the enjoyment of a full, peaceful life. So what good things might sin prevent? Godly relationships? Time with the Lord? Freedom in Christ? Maybe the sin habit simply eats up the time you could use pursuing your vocation and calling.
As Christ suggests in Luke 11:24-26, If we do not replace sin or destruction with something else, we can end up “worse than at first;” returning to the sin or replacing it with another.
So, if someone is trying to rid a habit of gossip, he or she could ask to be held accountable to speak encouraging words about someone instead of tearing them down. If someone harbors bitter thoughts toward someone, they could choose to write things they like about that person. If someone struggles with pornography, they could work to replace that habit with physical or spiritual exercise.
Then, the group can hold each other accountable to “sowing the spirit,” not simply ceasing to “sow to the flesh” (Gal 6:8)
Focus on the Savior
Ultimately, repentance is the act of leaving one path and going onto another: a path towards greater closeness with Jesus.
When our struggle with sin becomes the primary focus, our quest for mastery can become subtle idolatry. When we make Him the focus of our accountability, we don’t just turn away from sin, but toward life in Christ.
Remind each other that you are seeking closeness with God, and transformation by His Spirit. Beginning and ending with prayer, making time to praise, or even worshiping together can take the focus off of us and put it onto Jesus.
Conclusion
Accountability groups are often amazing places where relationships grow deep and surprising change occurs. Don’t let them become engines of discouragement, whose purpose is to remind ourselves that we can’t measure up. We already know that “all fall short!” (Rom 3:23).
Ultimately, give yourself and your group members a lot of grace, and celebrate even small wins. Remember that even gathering together in His name is a beautiful thing and a step toward life. As Paul promises: “He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:6).